If you need to ruin your life I will personally give you any bad advice at anytime of day, for example what to say to your boss if your pissed off at him or to show your anger at your girl friend if you want to break up with her. so email me and depending on teh situation reaching from 10 usd to 50 usd I will give you bad advice
United States of America - 21/5/08
Help you fake your death
Sick of your life? Sick of your friends/debts/job/family? Want a brand new start somewhere else?
For the low price of 20,000 Euros I will help you fake your death, any way you want. Scuba diving accident, hobo-stabbing accident, car accident, choking on a pretzel.
I will even marry you beforehand and collect on your life insurance money afterwards, as long as I get to keep 25% of the money.
France - 8/1/08
For Free .. A Real Friend .. To care .. to listen to advice
A Real Friend, Muslim one, to listen to you, to care, to advice, to help .
Free of charge, just expecting mutual friendship
God Bless you all
Egypt - 10/4/07
Issues - dilemmas - matters arising - anxieties - worries - no job to small and ain't no mountain high enough - if enough is enough `i can't go on ( no more no more no ) then email me and for £5 an email I will deliver advice with the following caveat . Whatever advice one listens to it is all shit you will just do what you want anyway , but hey at least `i have provided the pause for thought . Look forward to hearing from you
United Kingdom - 19/2/07
For $30 I will give you resume advice, feedback and tips.
United States of America - 2/5/05
Be your friend
Need someone to talk with... someone who'll listen to you? Someone with sage advise, can refer you to agencies designed to help you with your specific need? Can't afford to pay over a hundred dollars an hour to a pyschologist? Particularly when they turn over your medical records to the Feds. via the "Patriot Act? The Docter takes a routine Urinalisis? I don't keep records, I forgive you like a friend would...for only $20.00 an hour. (remember,e-mails and phonecalls are stored and sifted for data...we can arrange to meet if you have something real confidential to talk about, or just get in touch and I"ll be there for You. For my Friends in the United kingdom,I'll adjust the fee and charge 2pounds less(per hour) when you have to reach me by phone, or fly across the pond for a visit. I am located in New York state(the Elmira, Corning area.) i '
United Kingdom - 27/11/04
Will offer quick advice at any time of day or night regarding sexual encounters. If in the past you have had awkward sexual encounters you already know that you need me. I can help you for the low price of US$10 per advice accepted and used. Additional advice can be given for US$5, but only if it relates to the same encounter.
South Africa - 11/11/04
I'll Tell You What Your Problem Is
Do you have an idea? A script? A lyric? A scheme? A novel? A proposal? An essay? A chord sequence? A sketch for an etching? It's not quite there. You know it. I know it. But you don't know why. I do, however. Email it to me, describe it, or lay it on my doorstep. I'll identify its fatal flaw and stop everyone laughing at you if you let it out into the world as is. It'll cost you, mind.
United Kingdom - 10/11/04
I can tell you how i failed so you dont do the same mistake. In Love and in Professional activities. Price neg.
United Kingdom - 2/11/04
Chav girls - I will raise your social standing.
Are you a chav girl? Do you wear Burberry and LaCoste without irony? Is a Vauxhall Nova your dream car? For a nominal fee (or sexual favours - at my discretion) I will guide you in such matters as dress, deportment, language and superior bearing. Your own personal finishing school (correspondence courses available). Results guaranteed. Be able to walk through a shopping mall with you head held high and your step proud.
Dead Posh Drew
United Kingdom - 28/10/04
CUSTOM EGO DE/INFLATION
Have you lost perspective? Do you need a stern talking to or an inspiring pep talk? Are you running yourself down? Living in denial of your actual viability? Perpetuating a personal lie? For 25 US dollars via paypal or equivalent wishlisted item, I will buck you up or take the wind out of your sales, rail or regale you with the facts for a minimum of 15 minutes by phone (incurred charges are added). For 50 US dollars, i will take an in depth polar stance and let you try and justify your perspective against the deft parry of logic, philosophy, psychology, what have you-- short of outright untruth.
United States of America - 6/9/04
FREE - Need a Friend?
Stop being such a twat.
Canada - 16/7/04
Canada - 11/7/04
Conscience - Good and/or Bad for Sale
For the mere price of a place to stay, food, and a negotiable sum of spending money every month, you can have me as your very own conscience. I can work as your good side, your bad side, or even both! We'll sit down and work out what you think is right and what you think is wrong, and I'll be there, influencing your actions, giving you the good and/or the bad way to go, as per your choice. You'll never have to think your way through moral quandries again! I'll do it for you! You just have to choose right or wrong! How can you lose with a deal like that?
United States of America - 11/7/04
If you're shit
For £10 show me what you can do and I'll tell you if you're shit. You don't know me, I won't lie. Will travel (+expenses)
United Kingdom - 10/7/04
What are the chances of this happening
For a 4 pack of Stella, I will help you and your mates with your camping problems. Firstly I'll find 'who's in charge' then, together as a team we will swiftly erect your gazebo or one man tent while wearing a wax jacket and a Stetson.
That bloke with the hat from RTTS
United Kingdom - 9/7/04
Need of certainity?
Ask Almighty. Answers for everyone. Personal prices is to be paid in afterlife.
Hungary - 9/7/04
HOW WRONG CAN ONE MAN BE?
For the princely sum of 12 english pounds I will give you a 'wrong' rating of 1-10. Willing to travel far and wide in search of true wrongness as long as somebody drives me and indulges me by allowing my favourite compilation tape to be played over and over again. Mainly Iron Maiden.
The Wrong 'Un
United Kingdom - 8/7/04
Confused? Bewildered? No longer! For £100 Sterling per hour (or part thereof) I will explain, in plain English, anything that you do not undertand. (Telephone consultations undertaken at enquirers own cost. One to one sessions subject to travelling expenses. Use of illustrations subject to further fees)
United Kingdom - 7/7/04
sound advice regaurding anything
for a flat fee of $100 per use, i will provide honest and sound advise pertaining to anythng at all. disclaimer: adivice isnt going to be right all the time.
United States of America - 6/7/04
I am in touch with the spirit of Aleister Crowley. For a nominal fee of £23.23 I will forward your life dilemmas and questions to the Great Beast. I usually contact him on a Wednesday evening after Coronation Street, so you're best off sending questions well in advance.
I'm hoping to start a dialogue with Malaclypse The Younger soon and for her Claire Raynerisms I'm going to charge £17.17.
United Kingdom - 4/7/04
Ejudmacate Your Man About the Evils of Pride
For a simple donation of $10.00 CDN ($7.50 US) I will illustrate to your man why his pride is the only thing killing an, otherwise, wonderful relationship. ACT NOW Supplies are limited.
Canada - 4/7/04
Bring your stag party to Prague
For only 5 pounds I will allow you to come to my city with your moronic friends in matching t-shirts and viking helmets. For an additional 5 pounds I will tell you which bars to go to in order not to bump into me or any of my friends.
United Kingdom - 3/7/04
make happy (10?), recommend music (10?)
i would try to make you happy again, if you are sad. only nice people please, no stressing people.
i would also try my best to recommend you some new music when you tell me about your music taste.
Germany - 3/7/04
Yes men are everywhere.
Yes men will tell you what you want to know, not what you need to know. For AU$1000 a day plus expenses (note: adjust for inflation), I will give you my honest opinion on any question you ask relating to you or your business until such a time as you fire me. Firing me will cost you an additional non-negotiable sum, to be nominated by myself in the event of my dismissal. You will also have the right to include my name and title, and the relevent employment year in any prospectus documents, promotional materials, etc which you may release. You may not include information about what matters my opinion may have related to. As I so determine, I will also proactively inform you of any issues or matters which may arise and have relevence to you or your business. You will grant me any access, allow me to make any inquiries, examine any documents, and conduct any searches which I may determine as necessary for the proper formulation of my opinion. If I discover evidence of illegality at any stage, you accept that I will have an obligation to share this information with the judicial authorities. You will not impede this. At no stage are you at all obliged to act on any opinion I share with you.
Australia - 2/7/04
I will give you good advice
for 25 dollars i will give you advice on anything you need help with.
United States of America - 2/7/04
Movies, musical records - I'll explain you why it's cool or why you've to get rid of it
You feel it's genius, perfect, so cool you're ready to give up sex for a year (... ok for a 2 weeks at least) only to enjoy it more... but you don't understand why this movie or record makes you so happy... and why people say it's a piece of shit.
You know worst thing ever happened to you - when you bought this shitty record or movie (a little better if you've got it as a gift)... but you don't understand why you so sick about it... and why it's in top five of best selling hits of all time (and even awarded by fucking Oscar/Grammy).
Maybe you can't understand yourself at all, so it's not surprise you can't understand anything about this movie/record.
NOW I'M the ONE who really can help you!!! (all the others - reviewers of all sorts - just trying to sell you something)
I will explain you all about it.
You'll get my explanations and you shall not have to make a choice what to do with this movie or record - you shall keep it till you dying day or put it in a trash.
Because i'm Russian.
Russians are not so strong in democracy and economics (the same thing you can see all over the world except a few countries showing the highs and lows of "western" civilisation),
but good in eternal questions like
"to be or not to be",
"is God really exist",
"if there's life on Mars",
"who urinated in my beer"... ect.
So reputation of Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Tchaikovsky, Shostakovich, Tarkovsky (+ Kournikova & Sharapova worth of them all) is on my side.
it's cd (lp even better), DVD or VHS containing movie or music that troubles your mind (just what you want me to ask about).
Send it to me (postage on you), i will answer you by email.
Adress on request.
PS about price...
you know, money or 2 hours of good sex with pretty girl are always welcome ;-)
MOR (once i've tried to fuck The Millenium but fai
Russia - 2/7/04
For the cost of an email, ask me to recommend you something.
It will be a random item that may or may not have change your life, but, I can guarantee that it will at some point have changes someone else's. What I offer is not a lifestyle enhancement gimmick.
What I offer cannot be bought with money.
The price you pay is that of a question.
Where there is a question, there can be choice.
Where there is choice, there can be clarity. Can U dig it?
United Kingdom - 2/7/04
Get a life!
Ever wished you could get a life? For a measly £5 (via NOCHEX) I can tell you exactly what is wrong with your life. Simply send the payment to my e-mail address using http://www.nochex.com and in the message section tell me what's wrong with your life.
I will e-mail back within 3 days, telling you exactly what your problem is and telling you what to do.
It's completely annonymous and my discretion is assured. You also have the right to completely disregard my advice and continue making a complete fucking mess of what you call "a life".
United Kingdom - 1/7/04
Got a problem? Need helping finding a solution? Not just any solution, but the wrong one?
For a drawing of what you think I look like done on that Paintbrush thing on your computer I will give you extremely bad advice on just about any personal or professional matter.
United Kingdom - 1/7/04
I'm an intelligent and clever person with poor commercial specialization, but a considerable insight in human phenomenons.
I'm offering my intelligence for 20€/hour.
I understand novellistic, legal documents, unclear love declarations, obscure behaviors of relatives, alarming self unconscoiusness, simple sex dreams and a lot of other enigmas.
Italy - 23/6/04